From the Salt Lake Tribune:
As if beating a five-term congressman wasn't hard enough, John Jacob said he has another foe working against him: the devil.No shit.
"There's another force that wants to keep us from going to Washington, D.C.," Jacob said. "It's the devil is what it is. I don't want you to print that, but it feels like that's what it is."
Jacob said Thursday that since he decided to run for Congress against Rep. Chris Cannon, Satan has bollixed his business deals, preventing him from putting as much money into the race as he had hoped.
Numerous business deals he had lined up have been delayed, freezing money he was counting on to finance his race.
"You know, you plan, you organize, you put your budget together and when you have 10 things fall through, not just one, there's some other, something else that is happening," Jacob said.
Asked if he actually believed that "something else" was indeed Satan, Jacob said: "I don't know who else it would be if it wasn't him. Now when that gets out in the paper, I'm going to be one of the screw-loose people."
Well, John, you know what they say: "You will never get the crowd to cry Hosanna until you ride into town on an ass."
(P.S. If you feel like commenting upon this story, you don't have to do it in cinquain form.)