The Facts about Mike Hussey

ABC Grandstand has been reading these out on air, and while there are Vin Diesel, Chuck Norris and Mr T versions available elsewhere, they're still piss-funny.

* When Mike Hussey goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Mike Husseyed .
* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Mike Hussey.
* Mike Hussey counted to infinity - twice.
* Mike Hussey invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
* When Mike Hussey does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
* Mike Hussey hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
* Mike Hussey gave Mona Lisa that smile.
* Mike Hussey can slam a revolving door.
* Some kids piss their name in the snow. Mike Hussey can piss his name into concrete.
* Mike Hussey once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
* Mike Hussey's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Mike Hussey. * Mike Hussey can speak Braille.
* Mike Hussey's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
* Superman owns a pair of Mike Hussey pyjamas.
* Mike Hussey owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
* Mike Hussey sleeps with a night light. Not because Mike Hussey is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Mike Hussey.
* Mike Hussey doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
* Once a cobra bit Mike Hussey's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
* Mike Hussey divides by zero.
* Mike Hussey is always on top during s*x because Mike Hussey never f***s up.
* When Mike Hussey exercises, the machine gets stronger.
* Mike Hussey doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
* Mike Hussey sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled cricketing ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Mike slog swept the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
* Mike Hussey can kill two stones with one bird.
* Mike Hussey once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.
* Mike Hussey once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "Sh***ing bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.
* The only time Mike Hussey was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.